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AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started.
------------------------------------------------
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at
me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend." And then the fight started.
-----------------------------------------------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my
wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather
out there is
terrible." My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started.
-----------------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 6 seconds.' I
bought her a scale. And then the fight started.
-----------------------------------------
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started.
------------------------------------......
My wife kept bugging me to take her to a place she has never been to before.
I told her, "why don't you go to the kitchen" And then the fight started.
------------------------------------------------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your
pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started.
----------------------------------------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My
God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?' And then the fight started.
------------------------------------------------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't
you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And then
the fight started.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A sweet grandmother telephoned St.Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is
it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The
operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name And room
number?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said"Noreen Room 302.
"The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her
nurse." After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Noreen is doing very
well.
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal, And her
physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday." The
grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless
you for the good news. “The operator replied," You're more than welcome. Is
Noreen your daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Noreen in 302. No one
tells me crap here"
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