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Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
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Vacuum Cleaner Salesman
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good
morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your
time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum
cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded
to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it
wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen
my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto
her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of
this fresh horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the
remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good
appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning!"
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A plan for the future:
1) Back off and allow those men who want to marry men, marry men.
2) Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
3) Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
4) In three generations, there will be no DemocRATS
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In 2000, Carl Milmard was on vacation in Africa after graduating from
Berkeley University.
On a hike through the tall bush, he came across a young bull elephant
standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant appeared in pain. Carl
decided to approach very slowly and quietly.
When the elephant showed not signs of aggression ... Carl got down on one
knee and inspected the elephant's foot. He noticed a a sharp piece of wood
deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Carl worked
the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant slowly put
down its foot. The elephant turned to face him, and with a curious look on
its face, stared at him for several minutes. Carl stood frozen, thinking of
nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly,
turned, and walked away. Carl never forgot that elephant or the events of
that day.
Eight years later, Carl was visiting the Los Angeles Zoo. As he approached
the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants quickly turned and walked over
to near where Carl was standing. The large bull elephant stared at Carl,
lifted its front foot off the ground, then slowly put it down. The elephant
did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at Carl.
Remembering his African encounter in 2000, Carl was confident this was the
same elephant. He climbed over the railing and waded across the moat into
the enclosure. He walked up to the elephant and got down on one knee and
smiled at the elephant. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk
around Carl's head and slammed him against the ground, killing him
instantly............. It wasn't the same elephant.
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WARNING FROM THE MIDDLE EAST
This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of
Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action
against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off contributions to
the Democrat candidates.
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Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle on different areas of town.
Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars
every day.
Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a
mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos says to Jose, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you
bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?'.
Jose says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say?' Carlos sign reads, 'I have
no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.' Jose says, ' No wonder you only get
$2-3 dollars.'
Carlos says, 'So what does your sign say?' Jose shows Carlos his sign.
It reads, 'I only need another $ 10.00 to move back to Mexico '
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